A New Way To Think About Networking

Do you avoid networking events?  Perhaps, like many people, you’ve put them in the “necessary evil” category – you know you SHOULD go, but you don’t relish the idea.

If so, here are some pointers to make networking seem a lot more fun, and a lot less challenging. These are lessons I’ve learned over the years, and keeping them in mind has certainly helped me. 

1. Prioritise connection over “conversion”. 

Many people approach “networking events” as a big old TASK to be accomplished: Prepare an elevator pitch. Ensure the company name is visible on your badge and talk it up – big time. Get around everyone in the room. Get as many business cards as possible. NETWORK HARD! Close deals! 

This … doesn’t tend to work. People hate being sold to, for a start, and we don’t connect with people who aren’t bringing their actual, human self to the party. 

In Glasgow, we say “a stranger is just a friend you huvnae met yet”. Hello, new friends, I say, as I approach (surprisingly shy) businesspeople. How are you? What brings you here? What do you love and hate? Where can we find areas of mutual interest or even passion? Let’s have a wine.

Often, I forget to move on and realise I’ve only spent time with one person or group… and they aren’t currently in a position to buy anything from me, or give me work. Oh no! Have I failed at networking?! 

No, that’s actually fine. 

I have met several friends through networking events and conferences and social channels, who may not have been “useful” to me in that precise moment, but have provided me with something fantastic in due course: job opportunities, interesting ideas, leads, press exposure, top advice and, of course, other new friends who can do the same.

Which leads us to the next lesson… 

2. Be patient.

If you are impatient (as I am!) you might be thinking: this is too much of a long game. I meet someone at an event and we become pals… and then what? I just wait? 

Well, no. The months and years between me meeting the Creative Director of Kantar (for example), and getting a dream job at the same organisation, were not spent sitting on my bottom doing nothing. In fact, with my newfound feminist friend, I had someone who happily chatted to me about promotions, navigating managers, other opportunities, and of course cider.

Meanwhile, friends I knew from university might be calling about freelance writing. Acquaintances made on Twitter could be helping me connect with brands who needed comms or help with a Kickstarter campaign. That kind of thing.

This is not a waiting game, unless you do it once and stop. 

In other words: stay in touch with the people you meet, talk about things that aren’t work, and build relationships with, erm, more than one person at a time.

3. Remember: People care most about themselves.

This should be quite a freeing thought, particularly for those of you who get in your head and become self-conscious at networking-type events. Why? Because if everyone is thinking about themselves, they are actually paying very little attention to YOU.

This is great, because you can think less about being impressive, and more about being interested. Prepare some fun facts, sure, but don’t panic about memorising your entire resume or coming up with new opinions on current affairs. Ask questions. Listen. Really listen.

As a wise improv teacher told me, “Listening properly is a willingness to be changed.” If you are waiting for your turn to speak, you are not present: and you are not connecting. Allow yourself to be affected by what someone says to you, and the results will be quite amazing.

Curiosity leads to connection, which leads – slowly but surely – to a life-changing job, a helpful referral, useful advice, and CRUCIALLY (for me, anyway) a great cadre of drinking buddies. 

4. Don’t forget: we all have networks. 

Guess what? You have a network! You know lots of people: whether it’s school mates, uni pals, colleagues, former colleagues, friends of friends, neighbours, acquaintances, Facebook connections, family members, or the nice man who makes your oat flat white in the morning. 

In fact, your social network is PROBABLY an underrated, underused resource. 

You might be thinking: but the London Ladies WhatsApp group isn’t a PROFESSIONAL network! My aunts and uncles and cousins are nice, but they aren’t PROPER contacts! Surely my barista doesn’t COUNT? 

Well, actually, they all DO count: not only do these people have contacts of their own (some of which know nothing about) but they like you. You’ve already won them over! Whether it was regularly committing to 5-a-side, remembering to send birthday cards, or gossiping over a few Aperols every month or so, you’ve put in the time and effort – and now they care about your life and how things turn out. 

So, before you worry about adding more contacts to LinkedIn, reflect on what you have. Reach out to those people and share what it is you wish you were doing, or the job you want to have in 5 or 10 years. Discuss work sometimes, even if it feels cringe. Ask questions, accept advice, and share your own in turn. You should be pleasantly surprised how many doors open, because you never even thought to push gently on them. 

Nurture your personal network, and you’ll see your professional network flourish too. 

I treat every networking-style event as if my close friend has just brought some of their other closest friends to the pub and was excited to introduce me. I then approach it like the fun, long-term opportunity it should be… and get more out of it, today and in the future.